Where is Karnov? I’ve been asking myself that for years…
A look at the things that make us nostalgic, and how they effect us today.
What makes YOU nostalgic? Share it with me!
May 27, 2012
May 26, 2012
You cool cats on Tumblr are probably too young to remember Action 52, but I’m sure you’ve all read about it somewhere, or watched the Angry Video Game Nerd tackle all 52 games atrocities.
I don’t get what three roided-out furries breaking into a child’s house has to do with Action 52. Given that this collection of games is nothing short of half-baked, it would have been far more appropriate to run an ad that takes place in an abortion clinic.
For those of you who don’t know, Action 52 is an overpriced collection of the most terrible games on the planet. I’d describe it in more detail, but the Angry Video Game Nerd has that covered. Just know that most sane people would probably rather scoop out their eyeballs with a rusty spoon then play any game on Action 52. Also, the “feature game” of this collection of crap was another half-baked “action” game staring three freaky roid-raging furries. This game is also notable for featuring the poor man’s Captain N, known as the ACTION GAY MASTER.
Oh wait, I meant the Action Game Master.
And now, the Cheetahmen.
I think the best moment of this commercial is when the fat Cheetahman struggles to get out of the TV, and one of his comrades makes fun of his weight.
Also, what the fuck is with the random assortment of accents we hear from the Cheetahmen? I didn’t think that one Cheetahman was British. Another thing, how in the fuck does this commercial make people want to spend $199 (not fucking kidding) on this steaming pile of dog shit? Personally, this shit makes me want the game even less, because lord knows no one wants to play a game with furries in it.
May 21, 2012
WAW Chats With The Readers
Have ya seen this, have ya heard about this? No, no, no, don’t angrily chuck your 3DS out the window. As always, there’s a silver lining to this news. I for one am stoked that I don’t have to spend $300 on a Wii U.
For you KI fans living under a rock, Masahiro Sakurai has no interest in creating…
Great read about Kid Icarus and Sakurai but… NO PIT IN THE NEW SMASH?!?! NO RECOGNIZABLE CHARACTERS THAT WERE IN BRAWL??!?!? MEGAMAN?!? hmmm… idk nintendo. Might wanna change that decision before your Wii U get canceled for lack of interest.
Definitely kidding about this, dear reader. C’mon, can’t you just imagine Sakurai saying: “Fuck this Pit guy. I made his game. He’s done!” and just trashing him like that “perfectly good” three-week-old pasta sitting in my fridge? Then he goes on a rampage and trashes all the other characters too, perhaps because he’s bored of all of them and he’s sitting in a hot tub full of money, so screw popular opinion and grammatical rules forbidding run-on sentences. In any case, I think it’s time for the Battletoads to be featured in a Smash Bros. game.
May 21, 2012
May 17, 2012
If You Remember Captain N, Your Child Was Certainly Crap
Your Childhood Was Crap! It’s an official series here!!
And I watched this shit religiously as a kid, so I guess that means my childhood was indeed crap.
We here at WaxAndWane have ragged on this show before, but it definitely deserves a mention in this series. And we didn’t rip on it enough the first time. After all, it might just be the worst cartoon of the 90s. Well, maybe after Street Sharks.
For those of you too lazy to click on the link and read about the show, that’s totally cool. We didn’t nearly go into enough detail back then. Besides, you’ll get all the dish here in this tl;dr post.
The series is about your average douchey kid (Kevin Keene, the douchiest name anybody can come up with for a main character) who gets sucked into his TV and ends up in a world called Videoland, where all your favorite characters from your favorite games fight all the villains from said games. It sounds really cool (in a hokey way), but the versions of these characters are nothing like they are in the games. Instead of a badass vampire hunter (Simon Belmont from Castlevania), a kickass robot (Megaman from, er, Megaman), and Nintendo’s coolest hero ever (Pit from Kid Icarus), Kevin Keene encounters the following characters, respectively:
- Some vain, self-centered, self-enamored douchebag dressed as a pilot, sporting a spray tan that would rival The Situation’s. Did we mention he was a douchebag? He doesn’t have chin balls, but he has one massive chin ball. Supposedly, he’s waiting for gay marriage to become legal in Videoland, just so he can gay marry himself.
- A midget in blue and green armor, who feels the need to tack the word “mega” onto every other word. He also sounds like Cartman crossed with a Grunka-Lunka. For example: “Mega-screw you guys, I’m going mega-home!” But, you know, just more Grunka-lunkity.
- A creepy daywalker angel thing with a giant head who actually flies and is quite possibly borderline retarded, as he feels the need to add “-icus” to the end of every word. As in, “the portrayal of this character sucks dick-icus”. He also sports an emo kid fringe and a mullet for some reason.
Frankly, I’m surprised Kevin was able to recognize these people as his favorite video game heroes, considering they look nothing like they do in the games.
In order to round out the cast, there’s also a token Spanish-y woman thrown into the mix. She’s generic and unremarkable. I think her name is Princess “Whatshername”. No wait… maybe that’s been taken.
Oh right, it’s Princess Lana. And nobody fucking cares.
In this show, Kevin and his trusty team of douchebags dick about Videoland for three shit-filled seasons, thwarting a stereotypical depiction of a southern black woman (who kinda sounds like Mr. T from time to time) known as Mother Brain. Joining her in her plight are her vile henchman, a blue King Hippo, a motherfucking Eggplant Wizard, and Doctor Wily, the latter of which mostly pissed around in a corner somewhere. Finally, the heroes’ fight comes to an end when the network executives airing this show came to their senses and decided to finally pull the plug on this shit.
Upon watching this show again on Youtube, it must be noted that I felt slightly ill throughout it. Sure, I can chalk that up to whatever I ate for lunch, or I can brashly say that this show is so terrible it makes people sick. In fact, I believe this show was cancelled because it was so bad… bad enough to give children cancer. Somebody call Patch Adams, quick!
But seriously. It’s terrible. The episodes make little to no fucking sense, even if you’ve played the games they’re “referencing”. I use the term “referencing” in the loosest sense of the word. Nothing sticks to the source material. It’s like the writers of the show just took a bunch of names of games and went “fuck-it-all” with the rest, making up whatever the fuck they wanted.
Also, the character designs are fucking hideous, nay, fugly, and they’re constantly off-model. This show almost makes you want to stop playing NES games, just so you don’t turn out like Kevin Fucking Keane, the Douche Master, the kid who’s played every fucking NES game ever made.
Because, y’know, if he was studying or cleaning his room instead of obsessively playing NES games, then this whole dreck of a series wouldn’t have a plot. Not that it had a plot to begin with, but whatever.
You see, you, the viewer, are supposed to relate to Kevin. The creators of the show assume that you probably spent every waking hour not spent at school playing NES games till your eyes bled. And that’s why Kevin got sucked into Videoland. Because he had no life. Because he spent it playing videogames all day, every day. Because he got better at games than that little twatty kid from The Wizard. And what does he get for it?
I dunno what he got for it. Doesn’t matter. It seems he rather enjoyed his time spent dicking about Videoland.
Too bad the series never showed what went on in the real world while Kevin was in Videoland. I would have loved to seen an episode wherein Kevin’s parents, completely broken by their son’s disappearance, turn to binge drinking and popping painkillers for comfort. Meanwhile, Kevin doesn’t seem to give a fuck. He doesn’t worry about his family. He doesn’t think that his parents might be freaking out over his disappearance. He’s just so fucking stoked that he gets to live his favorite games and hang out with second-rate knock-offs of his favorite game heroes. Everything’s hunky-dorky despite the fact that his parents probably committed suicide about ten episodes back.
For extra fun, check out the guest appearance of Link, who brought with him all his douchey glory…
Closing thoughts? This show probably could have been the kind of show that’s so terrible it’s good, but instead, it’s so terrible it hurts. I recently saw a post wherein a fellow Tumblr-er mused over the possibility of a Captain N remake being good, if done properly. That means sticking to the source material, and probably having a budget behind the show. Quite possible. I mean, it would still be hokey. The very concept of this show is hokier than Hokey Oats. I at least think it could be one of those shows that’s so fucking cheesy and terrible that it’s good. Unlike this dreck that qualifies as “shit that should stay in the 90s.”
For even more extra fun, refer to this quote:
Mega Man: “What am I supposed to do with these balls, Captain N?”
Captain N: “It’s simple, Mega Man…”
P.S- Tagging every series Captain N fucked up the ass, just so you all can see how terrible this show is…
May 17, 2012
Wow//South Park Used To Be Really Controversial
The last post about the much-anticipated South Park RPG broke WaxAndWane records. You know, the one about the game sadly being delayed.
We here have never had a post reblogged/liked that many times. Not even that really funny one was liked/reblogged 52 times. God damn!
So, we’d like to take a minute to invite all you South Park lovers to check out the blog, especially those of you who can’t get enough of the shitty cartoons and games you used to watch and play in the late 80s/early 90s. Oh, and I suppose you can include the good cartoons/games too. Like South Park. The series. Because the old games sucked. Seriously did anyone even like Chef’s Luv Shack?
So, it’s time to reminisce about when the show first premiered. Not talking about the show itself, but the controversy that surrounded the show, particularly at school.
If you were like me, you were in the 6th grade when this show came out. You thought it was hilarious, and you figured you had to be the only kid watching it, because what parents in their right minds would let their kids watch this foul shit? Only yours, because they might actually be alright.
But then one day, you realized every fucking twat in your grade watched it as well. These kids thought that watching a show wherein the characters swore like sailors made them the fucking coolest kids ever, in spite of their severely shitty personalities and borderline illiteracy.
Like all little douchebags trying so desperately to be cool, they all thought they needed some kind of proof that, yes, their mums let them stay up till 10:30 on a school night to watch this “foul” program. So, they all had to wear the South Park T-shirts to school, and parade around quoting “Mecha Streisand”.
And this is where the controversy began. South Park shirts were banned quicker than pogs were. And the controversy grew. This show came under serious fire, and for what? A few fart jokes. You look back on the original episodes, and they’re fucking tame compared to the shit Matt and Trey break out in later seasons. Remember the episode where Kyle gets a “negroplasty”, and his kneecaps literally explode? Did that cause a memorable controversy? No, it didn’t, despite being way fucking sicker than “Cartman Gets An Anal Probe” or “Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo.”
It’s fucking insane to think how this show, in its early days, caused so much controversy. I mean, is talking poo really that edgy? All the controversy surrounding this show in the early seasons stemmed from the fact that kids were watching it, when they really shouldn’t have been.
Of course, if it wasn’t for them watching, we wouldn’t have the plot to the totally sweet “Bigger, Longer, and Uncut”, and, to a much less significant extent, the plot for “Death”.
If kids weren’t watching this show, I don’t think it would have caused half as much controversy. But at the end of the day, the controversy is a good thing. This show probably wouldn’t have made it to a glorious sixteen seasons if it wasn’t for all that controversy way back in 1997.
Here’s something of note, however. Apparently, back when this show premiered, some kids were asked to do a school project. They had to reenact the controversy surrounding Rosa Parks that day she, well, needed to catch a bus. I think we all know that story. The boy playing the bus driver supposedly gave the character some of Eric Cartman’s qualities, explaining that Cartman is racist and bigoted, much like this bus driver was.
See, I had heard that story about a year ago, and thought to myself, “Wow. Here’s a kid who was watching this show and wasn’t just mindlessly reciting the horrible shit that Cartman said, but who actually realized that Cartman is a really terrible, racist little snot.” Because, back when the show premiered, I only remembered the dumbass kids in my class constantly yelling “ohmygodtheykilledKenny”, because that made them cool.
Anyway, I think it goes without saying that South Park is just amazing.
May 16, 2012
South Park RPG Delayed Until 2013
Was anyone looking forward to this? I know I sure was.
May 13, 2012
I must say, I could never ever get used to this controller. This quote from Arby and the Chief perfectly describes my feelings about this monstrosity.
WTF Nintendo I don’t have three hands.
Yes, Master Chief. This controller indeed resembles some sort of Fisher-Price abortion.
That’s right… I’m so old-school I bitch about N64.
May 11, 2012
Sakurai Says: “Screw You Guys, I’m Not Making More Kid Icarus”
Have ya seen this, have ya heard about this? No, no, no, don’t angrily chuck your 3DS out the window. As always, there’s a silver lining to this news. I for one am stoked that I don’t have to spend $300 on a Wii U.
For you KI fans living under a rock, Masahiro Sakurai has no interest in creating another Kid Icarus game, much less turning it into a franchise. Also, the Easter Bunny isn’t real. Devastating, I know.
But let’s put this in perspective for a minute. Would we really want to see KI go the same way as Mario? Do we really want to see Nintendo crap out a new game every year just to make money? I for one would not want to see Pit reduced to a whore for Nintendo, like a certain annoying fucking plumber. Seriously, I don’t want to see Kid Icarus Party 20, Kid Icarus Kart 40, or Kid Icarus and Sonic at the Special Olympics 5. You can keep that crap.
Nor do I want to see tons of titles in the traditional sense. Sure, the KI universe is really cool and there’s so much that can be done, but releasing too many titles can be detrimental to the series as a whole. Part of what makes Uprising so special is that it’s a glorious return for Pit and Palutena after twenty years. Sakurai brought a lot to the table in his interpretation of the KI universe. Is it a shame that he won’t do it again? Yes, totally. Is is a terrible decision on his part to opt out of making another game? No, not really. He would rather work really hard on one quality game than make a ton of subpar games just to turn a profit.
It’s nice to see someone at Nintendo with a shred of integrity.
For those of you still angrily shouting: “SAKU-WHY???”, don’t fret. Just because he’s not doing a Kid Icarus game doesn’t mean that someone else can’t take the helm. The game was profitable for Nintendo; I’m sure they’ll find some way to get another title out there.
Let me put things in perspective for you. I’m 25. I played the original Kid Icarus back in the day. Suffice to say, I’ve waited a very long time for this title, and it was well worth it. Now, Sakurai joked that we might get another title in another twenty-five years, but calm down. I’m sure we’ll see one a little sooner than that. I would love to see another title in the future, and if that means waiting a few years, that’s cool. I’ve got a ton of Mass Effect and Fallout to keep me busy in the meantime.
In other “news”, Sakurai also announced that he’s removing Pit from the new Smash Bros. title. In fact, he’s removing all the recognizable characters in favor of bringing to light some of Nintendo’s more obscure characters, such as the Cheetahmen, Bayou Billy, and the Marbles from Marble Madness. Also, Megaman will in fact be there… the Captain N version, that is.
Sounds like an awesome installment in the Smash Bros. series.
May 11, 2012
soulreclipse8541 asked: Where did you get the information on some characters being removed from smash bros. O_o ?
Glad you asked. Let’s just say, much like the Onion, WAW is not exactly the most reliable news source. But we are your source for more 90s nostalgia than you can shake a stick at!!
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